I WANT THESE AS BAD AS I WANT A DEATH STAR BASKETBALL

Sometimes, I wonder: Why couldn't I have been born in the Triassic era so I could slide down Brontosaurus necks on my way to work? Or during the dark ages, where I could put on a wizard's hat and make brooms clean my castle or rape and loot nearby villages?

But then I see these shoes and I know that I was born in just the right century.

Fuck future flying cars. The only way I'll ever want to get from point A to point B is if I'm wearing a podiatric analogue of Storm Shadow on my feet.

Try getting them HERE. Although with awesomeness like this, good luck getting half a shoelace.

ALL I NEED IS A RED TURTLE SHELL AND I'M SET

Not since Sonic the Hedgehog's red tap-dancing/sneaker hybrid shoes have there been an awesome pair of video game goodness that look good on your feet. Till now.

Check out the Nike Air Force 2 High Wii edition.
(Borderline-effeminate, Wii Fitness-induced arm-flailing action not included.)


This is the last things those fucking Goombas will see before they're crushed to a bloody pulp.


The POWER button icon is GENIUS.

Oh there's also a PS3-inspired edition, but it looks like you stepped in an oil spill.