I WANT THESE AS BAD AS I WANT A DEATH STAR BASKETBALL

Sometimes, I wonder: Why couldn't I have been born in the Triassic era so I could slide down Brontosaurus necks on my way to work? Or during the dark ages, where I could put on a wizard's hat and make brooms clean my castle or rape and loot nearby villages?

But then I see these shoes and I know that I was born in just the right century.

Fuck future flying cars. The only way I'll ever want to get from point A to point B is if I'm wearing a podiatric analogue of Storm Shadow on my feet.

Try getting them HERE. Although with awesomeness like this, good luck getting half a shoelace.

HOLY SHIRT!

I rue the day when wearing t-shirts will be declared as one of the 7 ways of spotting a serial killer. especially the ones with the odd pop-culture cross-pollination happening on the front.

Seriously, how can you go wrong with a Livestrong/E.T. hybrid?

BLOWING UP DEATH STAR ISN'T THE ONLY WAY TO GET STREET CRED

Wearing this X-Wing Pilot hoodie is.





If you're a loaded nerd with $150 to burn, then buy one for me here

THE PERFECT GYM BAG FOR THE UNDERMUSCLED, OVERACHIEVING NERD

You know that composition notebook you had in the 5th Grade with the incriminating notes scribbled on the margins about Mrs. Salvador's breasts and the Stormtrooper vs. Monkey comic strip in the back cover?

Well now you can carry it around proudly as a Notebook Duffel bag.

Finally, something that goes with that Trapper Keeper Track Suit.