FEAR LEADS TO ANGER, ANGER LEADS TO HATE, HATE LEADS TO PROP 8

Finally. A man-on-stormtrooper kiss.



I want this shirt. Buy it for me here and I'll let you touch my lightsaber.

BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE TEQUILA WORM

I'm not a fan of firewater, on account of my inability to hold my liquor. But serve me a shot in this nifty Spider-man/Venom shot glass and I'll be crawling the walls telling everyone you're my best friend and that we go a long way back.



Speaking of Spider-man, the 600th issue is one of those rare single issues that took me an entire Simpsons episode and a half to get through. It's a pretty meaty book, in a Jessica Simpson at the country fair sort of way.

As expected, it's a jam issue by Spider-man's braintrust: Slott, Waid, Guggenheim, Kelly, and even ol' man Lee for that dose of formaldehyde.

Slott, who I assume is the leader of the writing pool (which makes him the fat, unattractive equivalent of Liz Lemon) penned the main story: THE WEDDING OF AUNT MAY AND J.JONAH SENIOR. Yes, that means pages and pages of Peter Parker's biddy old aunt fussing like Monica from Friends. Surprisingly entertaining, it's but a set-up for a reveal/recon/relaunch of THE NEW DOCTOR OCTOPUS. It's still the same Otto Octavius but now with double the appendages and packed with more concussions and cancer cells!



Seriously, he's dying from getting hit on the head too much. But now he's got new powers (command over ALL OF TECHNOLOGY. Like Steve Jobs, only without the pretentious black cardigan), a new look (part Psycho Mantis, part Nicole Richie), and a new purpose (a utopian vision for the world, kinda like Bono's, but with a less sinister motive).

What surprised me was how quick the story flows yet how well-paced it actually read.


You get a full Fantastic Four sequence, an exploration of the Johnny Storm/Peter Parker bromance,



and the best New Avengers dialogue ever.

Oh and there's the actual wedding, with Aunt May's awesome version of the "With Great Power" talk.


Oh, and that Watson slut shows up in the end. Pfft. I swear, Mary Jane is the Kendra Wilkins of the Marvel U.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF TAB OF E

I've always hated the Harry Potter movies. HATED THEM. From Rupert Grint's "Many Faces of Constipation" to the CGI that looks like a cross between the graphics from Lawnmower Man and
Duck Hunt from the NES, I've sat through the past 5 movies wincing in my seat.

Which is why the 6th film surprised the shit out of me. Yes, Emma Watson still can't act her way out of a paper bag. Yes, Rupert Grint still looks like he's taken a big, steaming dump in his pants and just walks through Hogwarts with chocolate fondue sloshing in his Marks and Spencers. But the treatment, grading, and production design make it a pretty, pretty movie.

I'd like to get into the nitty-gritty of it all, but I'm due for a drink with friends and I don't want to have to explain that I'm late because I was blogging about Hermione's boobs. But I have to mention that the wheat field scene with Harry and Ginger Spice chasing after the Death Eaters was such a tense, creepy, and nail-biting sequence that I think I Wingardium Leviosa-ed in my boxers.

(Oh, by the way. Was it just me or was the movie a metaphor for drugs? Cocaine, ecstasy, and crystal meth, are well-represented. Hell, even Dumbledore takes out his glowstick at the cave after a valium cocktail. Not that I'm complaining. )